September 3, 2015

-It's One Story-

I need that boldness.
I pray for inner strength...and I just wait on the Lord.
This needs to be a season of laughing at the future, knowing wholeheartedly that as I simply say yes to my Jesus, He will lead me and guide me.
The other day, I was reading in 1 Kings 19, and was so encouraged on reading about Elijah and the angel. Elijah is at the end of his rope, and asks the Lord to end his life because he's just so done...but then we see the tender heart of our Lord toward us.

"He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, "arise, eat." Then he looked and behold, there was at his head a bread cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again. The angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, "Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you." 

That His heart is available to us in our own state, whether in joy or in doubt or do I believe that, rest in that, stay assured in that?
It's all about that seeking. 
It's all about, when Jesus says, "no," we say, "yes, Lord."
Maybe the journey is too much for us right now.

But this I know: when we're distracted. Or tired. Or tried by life. Or overwhelmed with gratitude or the busy-ness of this life...there's no greater place to go than to our Father. He alone has what we need, and when my heart can't help but doubt, He heals.
There's so much grace. More than enough.

And we find it and taste of it when we recognize His hand in every single aspect of our beings.

Someone the other day told me, "the bad things aren't from God. God is solely good. Cancer is bad. Car accidents are bad. Why would He send that to us?"

I can say from experience that everything happens for a reason.
And while my heart breaks as I hear about planned parenthood; while I watch one of those videos and I feel as I could shatter into a million pieces; while my friend holds her grandma's hand as she battles for her life; as I am nearly hit by a car flying all over the road the other day...I believe that I serve a God, like in the story of Joseph, takes bad things, and turns them into good in His plan.

I believe that He has the perfect plan.
I might not understand it.
I believe He gives us nothing but good gifts.
I might not see them as good gifts.

In the misunderstanding, the hurt, the not-quite-sure desperation for Jesus, we see His hand on all we can't control. And we can thank Him for it. 
The journey might be too much for us.
So He carries us.
He holds us.
He grasps us to Himself.
He's a good Father.


May 25, 2015

-A Study in Yellow-

I studied hairbows and Barbie dolls encased in their boxes when I was five, never decisive. Pink or purple or yellow? I was the unconventional girl child who ended up selecting the color yellow. It wasn’t that I had an aversion to pink or purple- in fact, lavender is my favorite color- but if a child psychologist could see within my mind and chose to analyze me, it was mostly due to the fact that I associated yellow with sunshine and sunflowers, lemonade and car wash parties my uncle would throw for us to get all dressed in our swimsuits to wash his canary-yellow car at the time, though as I look back several years later I honestly wonder if all the hype was just to get his car washed.
            I painted my half of the bedroom yellow shortly after our seventh move in the first twelve years of my life in an effort to recapture the yellow shades I had recently recalled and mourned in my first bedroom, one my mother painted and allowed me to cover a whole wall with handprints, paintbrushes, anywhere and anytime. Big Bird from the children’s television show Sesame Street made his way on there more than a few times, along with sunflowers and fairies. Apple and lemon trees also appeared. This wall gave me my supposed artistic eye and joy in creating bold messes now; I’m almost positively sure of it. And it’s probably also the reason why my little self designed my future child’s bedroom with that golden color in mind- I still want to paint it that way.

            On my eighteenth birthday I asked for yellow flowers, and woke up to bouquets of them all over the house- daffodils, sunflowers, daisies, yellow roses. Even now, I associate yellow with joy, brought to me by soaking up the sun during a hike along with countless other out-of-door activities. There’s a certain sense of contentment that comes with that gratefulness surrounded by joy. If someone invented yellow lattes, I would undoubtedly partake- just so long as they didn’t taste of bananas. As I grew up, I needed those sparks of color in what could at times be a colorless world. I painted my yellow wall white a few years after painting it yellow, and didn’t miss it; because now I see myself as the yellow in what could be a fairly black-and-white kind of world swirled with uncertainty. If people can continue calling me a sunflower, I know it’s enough. 

May 20, 2015

22 Songs for Summer//Just Listen

It's nearing that season for summer..roadtrips, airplane trips, drives in general to get out of the heat (whatever that may look like in your neck of the woods). When planning our hopeful first roadtrip up the coast (happening either this summer or fall), these are the songs Alexandrea and I just happen to turn up a little bit louder on any occasion- upbeat, hipster, adventuresome, and just enjoyable ones in general. Hence, the list of songs for summer roadtrips.  What songs would you add?