I need that boldness.
I pray for inner strength...and I just wait on the Lord.
This needs to be a season of laughing at the future, knowing wholeheartedly that as I simply say yes to my Jesus, He will lead me and guide me.
The other day, I was reading in 1 Kings 19, and was so encouraged on reading about Elijah and the angel. Elijah is at the end of his rope, and asks the Lord to end his life because he's just so done...but then we see the tender heart of our Lord toward us.
"He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, "arise, eat." Then he looked and behold, there was at his head a bread cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again. The angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, "Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you."
That His heart is available to us in our own state, whether in joy or in doubt or discouragement...how do I believe that, rest in that, stay assured in that?
It's all about that seeking.
It's all about, when Jesus says, "no," we say, "yes, Lord."
Maybe the journey is too much for us right now.
But this I know: when we're distracted. Or tired. Or tried by life. Or overwhelmed with gratitude or the busy-ness of this life...there's no greater place to go than to our Father. He alone has what we need, and when my heart can't help but doubt, He heals.
There's so much grace. More than enough.
And we find it and taste of it when we recognize His hand in every single aspect of our beings.
Someone the other day told me, "the bad things aren't from God. God is solely good. Cancer is bad. Car accidents are bad. Why would He send that to us?"
I can say from experience that everything happens for a reason.
And while my heart breaks as I hear about planned parenthood; while I watch one of those videos and I feel as I could shatter into a million pieces; while my friend holds her grandma's hand as she battles for her life; as I am nearly hit by a car flying all over the road the other day...I believe that I serve a God, like in the story of Joseph, takes bad things, and turns them into good in His plan.
I believe that He has the perfect plan.
I might not understand it.
I believe He gives us nothing but good gifts.
I might not see them as good gifts.
In the misunderstanding, the hurt, the not-quite-sure moments...in desperation for Jesus, we see His hand on all we can't control. And we can thank Him for it.
The journey might be too much for us.
So He carries us.
He holds us.
He grasps us to Himself.
He's a good Father.