October 21, 2014

-Itch-




"will you come with me to the mountains? it will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened. reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. but will you come?" -c.s. lewis 

Through the slight chaos and uncertainty that's rocked my little world over the last month, I'm learning. My quote book is becoming fuller by the day, and my quiet heart has become the good kind of restless. 

It's unrealistic, living where I do at this point in time, to think that each day will involve something new and exotic. The significance of these lessons being taught to me in the quietness of the everyday life I lead are not becoming lost on my soul. Though not easy to learn, some of them, there is a common figure: grace upon grace upon grace. And I can see that now. 
I awake and go to work in the wee hours of the morning, and light candles; and take a deep breath to blow out the candles in the evening. I align all the hangers only for them to be touched and thrown out of that state of perfection less than twelve hours later the next morning. 
My mind wanders and I ponder. Four days ago I became closer to nineteen than eighteen, and my heart ached a little at the thought. Because "truth is stranger than fiction." I couldn't have written the story I'm living right now for sure. I'm happy and content, but I realize there's so much more to the little person I am and the little existence I'm living right now. Life- oh, it is ferocious. It's ugly and dismal; messy and actually really scary at times. But the shadows prove there's sunlight, dazzling sunlight, to be seen and searched out. 
My heart is on the move; it's hungry. 
Hungry for greater and bigger things that what I see right now. But not in the way that I'm discontent; in the way that I know my reason and purpose is here right now, but I know it's elsewhere, and elsewhere soon. 
I miss the place I was at two months ago.
Like you or I wouldn't believe it. 
But all that's left in me is that dazzling joy and gratefulness. 
Through the thorns, roses of all colors are blooming and spreading wildly. 
He has better plans than my dreams. 
And if His plans involve the blowing and lighting of candles now, my kidlets friends and very few hours in between where I play artist and write and study languages and squeeze in a few moments of school these days, than I'm more than happy. 
I get surprised sometimes by how I'm still affected emotionally. And, as per usual, that's where my Jesus comes in. 
"I love doing preposterous things," the Shepherd says, "Why, I don't know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection. That's My work- transforming things." -Hinds Feet on High Places 

In this itch to grow and go into the world as a disciple, there is a season for wildness and a season for settledness. And this is- well, actually, this is a season of... neither. 
this is a season of becoming. 
i'm a bit tired of learning life flat on a page. but reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. 

will you come? 
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October 15, 2014

-By Grace-

captive no more, He is my King. 
today i choose slavery. 
i place my trust and hope
in the One that i love. 
and One i know 
Loves me. 

no more shall i become 
slave to my own wandering 
mind and sin. 
i am free as i wear these chains 
of joy, hope, and Love. 
and present the key for others to have broken chains
so they can share in His. 

today i promise: 
to let go. 
i know it won't be easy. 
that my heart may become broken
and shredded 
in the process. 
but i'm Yours. 
and that's all that matters. 
You have promised
to take broken things
and make them beautiful. 
so i pray to be broken. 

i see now. 
though i would never have chosen me, 
You have. 
though others would never choose me, 
You do 
everyday. 
You chose me first. 

so
gladly do i take
this bondslave's position
as semblance to what cross 
You bore. 
my heart is Yours. my life is
Yours. 
and i promise 
to let You
let me
take heart 
the rest of my life
since You have overcome
and You carry me. 

i refuse
to live by the daily existence. 
i choose to 
look at the eternal. 
and watch the sunshine sparkle
as i only see it when 
i trust in You. 

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October 12, 2014

-Tell Me Your Story-



"tell me your story, O child of the King." 

...and oh, even as i may run.
what hindered Love will only become part of the story.
---

I wrote these words in my journal the other day.
Because my life is made up of a complete list of stories.
Chapter One, Sierra is born.
Chapter Two, Sierra is born again.
Chapter Three, Sierra steps out to adventure, and Jesus calls her back.
Chapter Four, Unveiling of a bigger plan- in which Sierra discovers her life purpose.
Chapter Five, Sierra learns the meaning of the word abandon, and all the wonder and sorrow and joy that comes with that.

But the ending hasn't come yet.

This season is an intense time of abandon, hope, and endurance; and realizing that times of challenge are great builders of character and perseverance, and preparation for what is to come. And reminders to invest in the eternal.
I see certain truths and lessons which are revealed within each chapter, and cling to each, tightly, tightly, as I continue the race. So abandon may sound like a record player these days. And I might constantly babble about how I only see these certain threads in these tapestries as God sees the eternal; and that's o.k.

tell me your story, O daughter and son of His Love. 

Is my focus on the eternal, constantly fixed on Him? And is all that I am His? 
I truly believe that each of us have been created with a ministry, and a personal heart for mission. Are we "for Christ and His Kingdom?"

"This is a day I have awoken in with a purpose; will I affect eternity with each breath?"
"Am I willing today to put as much heart into sharing Jesus with others as Jesus put into saving...me?" 

It's autumn.
Harvest time.
The time to impact others for Jesus is right now.
The harvest is now.
Jesus has given me a calling. Whether it's through my writing now. My groups of hungry kidlets every day. Through the hopes and plans and prayers I have for pursuing YWAM next summer. I am learning the power of impact.

I need more training.
As others have pointed out countless times, I'm most-definitely unqualified. I'm small-- by the world's standards.
I am weak and foolish, admittedly so.
But so was Hadassah.
So was Paul.
And the Lord used them for mighty things.

The window of our lifetime is small: it's a vapor.
But people are His treasure.
So simple, yet so profound.

We have been blessed in order to bless others.
Whoever loses his life for My sake has found it.

Chapter Five, Sierra learns the meaning of the word abandon, and all the wonder and sorrow and joy that comes with that.
Paragraph Six, In which she learns that Loving unconditionally hurts, and it's work; but also that it's a privilege, a gift, and it's worth it, and she can't-- won't-- bury it.

tell me your story, O beloved one. 
let it be one which glorifies Him. 

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